How do I stop being shy of being gay?
to help stop being shy about your sexuality, you first need to accept yourself as once you have accepted yourself fully you can conquer any feelings that come, no matter what they are. Never let others or even yourself mate you believe that you need to change who you are, no one just wakes up one morning thinking 'today I'm going to be gay,' it takes a lot of thinking and exploring to figure out who you are. It's easier for some than for others. When the time is right some people including myself decide to tell those closest to them, this doesn't necessarily include family. I found once I had told my closest friends I was more confident to show the true me and was initially less shy. You also should understand that you are no different to any straight person or person of any other sexuality. Find the source of what makes you shy and work with it after all it's more difficult to lose it than to work with it and to not let it affect you.
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Hey, so for roughly about a year now I've been questioning my sexuality and lately i've decided that I might be bisexual. I'm not completely sure on this but I do feel there is a great chance that I am. I feel attracted to boys but also for the past year I've felt similar feelings for girls but not completely. I'm so confused and if I am bisexual, I'm terrified of coming out, mainly for the reason that in my school being trans or bi is seen as "attention seeking" or people are just lying about it for "popularity and respect" also my family are strong christians. Any advice?
"First off I'd say that they shouldn't come out unless it's definitely safe, that they feel ready and feel as if it will only have a positive impact, and that also they shouldn't feel pressured to come to their parents just yet, maybe start off with their friends or someone who they know would certainly support them, because coming out to someone for the first time and being judged/mistreated etc on the first account is really awful. Also they shouldn't feel pressured into definitely labelling themselves as bisexual because labels may seem important but they aren't when it comes down to personal preferences, and as long as they know that they're not attention seeking/looking for popularity, then that is the main thing, because self-opinion/worth is more important than anyone else's opinion on yourself" - Jaz
"I understand your confusion as a bisexual myself, and I know why you are struggling to come to terms with the sexuality you may identify as. My advice to you would be: Experiment and ask your online friends or one of us (perhaps me?) on how they came out and how they feel about boys and girls and see if they match how you may feel, take time to make sure you are definitely bisexual before coming out. (You may be Pansexual and that is similar to Bisexuality). You have mentioned your parents and the only advice I have for you is try seeing how they feel about a bisexual celebrity? This would give you an idea on how they would react to you. Feel free to get in contact with me through TWE" - Ciara x
Sent in via contact form
I've been wanting to come out to my mom and dad and stepparents but u can't find the courage to or I just forget. I know my mom would accept it but I don't know about my dad. I'm Pansexual and transgender so it's hard for me to say it when they've known me for 15 years as their straight CIS daughter. Any advice on how I should come out without having to face them or how to build the courage to face them?
Hello! So I have quite a few trans friends, and every time they have asked this question I have always said to write a letter to them explaining everything. Do this whilst you are at a friends sleeping over, or out for the day so when they find it they can read it and think about it whilst you are gone instead of hearing it and reacting straight away. If they react like that they won't have time to think, so a letter has always been the best choice.
Good luck, locket x
Sent in VIA contact form
Okay so I came out as transgender (ftm) to my friends about 9 months ago and to my mum about 7 months ago. All of my friends have been really supportive of me and always try their best to get my pronouns and name right - even my teachers try their best as well and are supportive of it all. Anyway, recently my mum has started to turn against it all and has started calling me by my old name and using female pronouns, she doesn't like it when my friends or teachers use male pronouns/name either and she says that she's never going to call me Caspar or help me change it through deed poll. My younger sister (she's 14 and I'm 15) told me the other day that she doesn't like it all and that I'm just attention seeking and she won't support me in the future with it and my mum agreed with her. Not only this, but I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety about a year ago now, but my mum hasn't helped me to get any counselling for it and I've had to cope with it by myself, although she got my sister counselling when she was diagnosed with it less than a year ago. However, my younger sister overdosed on pills the other day and texted my mum to tell her (so I'm not sure if she's actually suicidal or not as if you wanted to kill yourself, you wouldn't ask someone to take you to the hospital minutes after overdosing, but there you go). Now she's out and fine but the main thing that I needed help with is the fact that my depression has gotten so bad, especially since I haven't gotten any help for it and my family are disowning me. I've had so many suicidal thoughts recently and even started to self harm as it had gotten that bad. I don't want to tell my mum how bad my depression is as she'll probably think that I'm attention seeking and just trying to copy my sister, but I'm really not and it really has gotten so bad that I've already written out my suicide note. I don't know what to do because I'm so done with life and everything and feel as though it's better if I end it than continuing to suffer. Yet I don't want to make my friends go through it all, especially because my best friend is also depressed but her mum said that since I've come into her life she's been much happier and doesn't self harm as much. I feel like killing myself is the better option for me, but I don't think that my friends, especially my best friend, will be able to cope through that - especially because we've got out GCSEs this year. I don't know what to do and I know that you aren't professional counsellors, but any advice would be appreciated in this situation. Thank you and I'm sorry that I made you read an essay but I needed to tell someone as I haven't told anybody about how bad my depression is currently.
Hello Casper! I don't mind the essay at all! Now the recent events of your family disowning you and doing things against your will- even stopping you from getting the professional help you need- all leads to a form of mental abuse. My advice to you is to tell a teacher what they are doing, especially a teacher you trust, as they have the resources and mind set to help you. Your friends will be supportive, but in this situation won't be able to change anything.
With the self harm research the butterfly project, as it helped me to get away from self harm. You have the correct mindset in not commuting suicide because of your friends, but its also for you. It may be easier now, but you are cutting away a huge future, you could even be the person who accidentally stumbles across the cure for cancer! You are very important to the world, do you need to think about your future too- what are you going to miss? A lot!
Please take this all into consideration, and really try to tell a teacher or someone of authority. It will hurt you more over time if they don't stop and no one knows about it.
Good luck, locket
Sent in VIA contact form
I want to come out as pansexual to my mom, but I'm not sure how to go about doing it. I don't think she will understand. Got any advice?
Hello there! Two of our writers who identify as pansexual have some advice for you! - Emily
First make sure it's safe to come out, try to gage your mum's feelings towards the LGBT+ community; once you're sure it's safe, maybe try coming out in an off handish way, I told my dad just in passing. There are a million different ways to come out from sending them relentless memes about how you're attracted to frying pans to sitting them down and talking them through it. However you decide to do it just remember to be open with them and answer their questions, if there are any, the best you can. Stay safe and stay positive - Kaya
Hello! Coming out can be a stressful time, especially when you think someone won't understand. Before I came out as pansexual I went up to my mum and asked her about a few sexualities that she hadn't heard of and tried my best to explain them to her. At first she was confused, but then again a lot of people are. My advice would be to practice what you're going to say to them. Don't write a whole speech, but make sure you know what you're going to say and be prepared to explain what pansexual means. Give them some time to accept the information, this doesn't necessarily mean they won't be fine with it, but most parents need some time to think about these things. Good luck! -Riley
Sent in via Ask.FM
I haven't told anyone this, not even the people closest to me. I think i am bisexual. I have noticed my attraction to boys and girls for a while. I want to come out to mu parents but i am afraid that they will say "it's just a phase" or "you are too young to know that".
What should i do?
Hello Rosie :)
It is very normal to be scared of rejection. You should not rush into telling them if you aren't ready. If you are scared of telling them you should start off telling someone close to you like a best friend or something. If you don't have anyone you feel close enough to tell, then try writing it down or looking at yourself in the mirror and saying it to yourself.
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