I'm moving out of the family home for university in September. I'm supposed to be happy and excited to start a new life for myself, but instead I'm overwhelmed with guilt and sadness. I know my mum didn't want me to leave home so I feely guilty and like I've left her behind. I also can't help but walk around my house thinking about how it won't be my house in a few weeks, and how my room won't be mine or how I'll have to leave so much behind. It just makes me sad, I know it's an important and exciting step into adulthood, but I also feel sad I'm leaving my home and can't shake it. I do want to leave home, my home life isn't fantastic right now and I keep coming over in waves of excitement as well, but the lows are very low. I really want to be going out and buying furniture for my new place and getting excited instead of being sad.
I know how you feel, moving out is such a big step and it can not only be scary, but it can often be sad. You do get this feeling of loss and often nostalgia as you remember what was and see how things will be different. You will not only miss the people you are leaving behind, but miss the moments and the materialistic things that make it home.
I moved out when I was eighteen, nearly two years ago, and at first it was hard. Hard to find the comfort and feeling of home that you long for, even hard to feel excited about choosing new furniture and designing your new rooms! It does come though.
You might feel homesick for a while, but you will settle into your new life and your new surroundings and it will become your home.
I suggest that you take your own pillows and blankets which you may already be taking, and maybe a teddy bear or any other comfort item that you can. Take a photo album or a box of things that remind you of home, but make sure that those items are conducive to you becoming happy and are not hindering your mental health.
In the end, and as hard as it may be, you just have to pick up and move. It's a huge and intimidating step, but most people do grow out of their childhood homes and it becomes time to make a new one. It's a big step, it's massive, but it isn't impossible and you aren't alone at all. There will be nearly everyone else at your uni that will have moved out of their family homes too, and some of them will be relieved about it, and there will be others like you that are struggling with the change.
Creating a new home, and new memories, is incredibly worth it. You will be so busy with your life and your study that your new home will become a safe space for you just as it should be.
I know it's hard, but taking responsibility for your life and accommodation is exciting, and you will eventually find it liberating. You might even find that going back home for holidays may be bittersweet, as the feeling of relief at being back is matched with the homesickness for your new home.
And I am assuming that your family will be there for you to Skype and call when you need them, they might even be able to send you care packages!
I am proud of you for getting into uni and for taking this step, and it will be worth it! You should be proud of yourself too, and I promise that moving out really can be freeing and ultimately be something worth getting excited over.
Good luck sweetheart!
Hi! It's probably going to be very long, I'm so sorry about that, I just really don't know who to talk to right now...
So I am bisexual and I've been in a 'relationship' with a girl for four months now - it is my first relationship. The reason I put quotation marks here is because she's not out to her family yet, so her parents don't know about us. She is also really shy and never acts like a girlfriend when we see each other. Like, she avoids contact, and I once asked if I could kiss her and she panicked and said no. Long story short, it doesn't feel like a relationship to me. I mean I do have a lot of affection for her, but I really feel like loosing my time here, like if we weren't together.
Meanwhile, a good friend of mine - a boy this time - recently made me understand that he loved me. I never felt that way about him, but now that I think about it, I'm confused about my feelings for him. We saw each other yesterday with our families and he said he'd kissed three girls during the summer. It made me a little angry because he apparently still talks with one of them like lovers, but he still asked me out? However, I probably don't have the right to be annoyed, after all I friendzoned him...
So the thing is, I don't know what to do now. I am not sure about my feelings for my girlfriend anymore. I understand how hard it is for her to come out and be more demonstrative, but I'm tired of hiding. At first I thought I would wait, of course, but then everything happened with my friend... I don't know if I should forget about him - I don't know if he's just playing with girls after what he said? I don't want to loose what I have with my girlfriend for it to be just a one night stand - and stay with my girlfriend even thought our relationship doesn't feel like one, or if I should break up with her and try to go out with my friend? Even knowing that would hurt my girlfriend if I break up with her? I now it's not the end of the world, it is just some teenager love after all, but I feel very lost and I don't want to hurt them - or myself.
Once again, I am so sorry for the rant. I don't expect a divine answer, of course, but I really need another point of view and some advice...
Hi Joanna, thank you for contacting TWE.
It sounds like you really love your girlfriend, so could you have a talk with her about having more contact, e.g. kissing and holding hands, when her family isn't around. This way it would make her understand that having contact is important for you. Having this talk with her may also prevent the loss of feelings, as you will be able to talk about it as a couple.
If she still has a problem with this, she needs to understand why it is an issue for you.
I also think having a discussion with the other boy could be beneficial. Make him aware of the issue between the other girls, as it is important for you. You may not like him romantically, but if anything were to happen in the future you would need to know the situation regarding other girls in his life.
So for a year now me and this boy have been like best friends and talk about feelings all the time. The thing though I feel like I might be falling for him but like when we started being friends he told me he wanted to be friends. I have no clue what to do I don’t want to hurt our relationship....
Hi Angel! Thank you for getting in touch with us at TWE ♡
It's important for you to understand your feelings first of all. Acknowledge you may have feelings for him, and work out whether or not you do for certain. You don't want to talk to him about it if you aren't sure!
If you realise you do like him, talk to him! open up about your feelings but ensure they're aware that you acknowledge they may not feel the same. Tell him how you feel, and make sure he knows there is no pressure on him to feel the same way.
Also make him remember you do not want this to tarnish your friendship and would appreciate it if you could remain friends.
Best of luck!♡
I'm taking a friend to a event soon but I feel like they're using me to attend the event.
we never see each other becuase they're always pre occupied with something else and always lying about wanting to see me.
i love them so much but I feel like they don't like me as much.
can i please get some help
Hi Elliot! Thanks for contacting us. It can be hard when we think our friends are lying to us, and if you think you're being used by them, it's understandable that you feel upset by it. Sometimes friends can get busy and struggle to see each other, I've sometimes gone quite a long time without seeing my friends, is it possible your friend may also be busy and struggling to find the time do things? If you feel like your friend isn't making time for you or lying, I think it may be best to talk to them about it, as tough as that may sound. Ups and downs are a part of friendships, and you deserve to be able to talk about how you're feeling. You may find they completely settle your worries and there's a reason why they've been unable to see you as much, or you may feel like what they've said has confirmed what you originally thought about the event and you can look into taking somebody else, as you don't need to be friends with people who use you! Whatever the outcome, I hope you have fun at your event! Good luck X
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