Hi! It's probably going to be very long, I'm so sorry about that, I just really don't know who to talk to right now...
So I am bisexual and I've been in a 'relationship' with a girl for four months now - it is my first relationship. The reason I put quotation marks here is because she's not out to her family yet, so her parents don't know about us. She is also really shy and never acts like a girlfriend when we see each other. Like, she avoids contact, and I once asked if I could kiss her and she panicked and said no. Long story short, it doesn't feel like a relationship to me. I mean I do have a lot of affection for her, but I really feel like loosing my time here, like if we weren't together.
Meanwhile, a good friend of mine - a boy this time - recently made me understand that he loved me. I never felt that way about him, but now that I think about it, I'm confused about my feelings for him. We saw each other yesterday with our families and he said he'd kissed three girls during the summer. It made me a little angry because he apparently still talks with one of them like lovers, but he still asked me out? However, I probably don't have the right to be annoyed, after all I friendzoned him...
So the thing is, I don't know what to do now. I am not sure about my feelings for my girlfriend anymore. I understand how hard it is for her to come out and be more demonstrative, but I'm tired of hiding. At first I thought I would wait, of course, but then everything happened with my friend... I don't know if I should forget about him - I don't know if he's just playing with girls after what he said? I don't want to loose what I have with my girlfriend for it to be just a one night stand - and stay with my girlfriend even thought our relationship doesn't feel like one, or if I should break up with her and try to go out with my friend? Even knowing that would hurt my girlfriend if I break up with her? I now it's not the end of the world, it is just some teenager love after all, but I feel very lost and I don't want to hurt them - or myself.
Once again, I am so sorry for the rant. I don't expect a divine answer, of course, but I really need another point of view and some advice...
Hi Joanna, thank you for contacting TWE.
It sounds like you really love your girlfriend, so could you have a talk with her about having more contact, e.g. kissing and holding hands, when her family isn't around. This way it would make her understand that having contact is important for you. Having this talk with her may also prevent the loss of feelings, as you will be able to talk about it as a couple.
If she still has a problem with this, she needs to understand why it is an issue for you.
I also think having a discussion with the other boy could be beneficial. Make him aware of the issue between the other girls, as it is important for you. You may not like him romantically, but if anything were to happen in the future you would need to know the situation regarding other girls in his life.
Hey Teens with experience
My sexuality has been something I have struggled with for 4 years. I never thought about it, I always assumed I was straight (the default right?) until a girl I was talking to in class asked me what my sexuality was, I new she was Bi and I hesitated. I answered with "I never thought about it". This has haunted me since, why did I hesitate?
Since then I kinda repressed it until recently when I watched something that made all my questioning resurfaced. I wouldn't care except it's affecting my everyday life. I have never been sexually attracted to anyone so I thought I was maybe asexual? But I can imagine myself being romantic and sexual with people of any gender? Nothing repulses me and I don't know if this is because I'm not bothered by the LGBT+ community, or because I have a very strong imagination?
I just really want to learn who I am, I feel like part of myself is missing, I feel like I don't know myself.
Hi Laila, thanks so much for contacting us here at TWE! Sexuality can be a difficult thing to navigate, and questioning it is something many young people experience at some point. Being a teenager is the time when people become aware of their romantic interest, and also start to experiment a bit for some, so it's totally natural for you to be beginning to think about your sexuality.
However, if thinking about your sexuality is becoming an issue for you, it's a great think you've reached out for help. Although I can fully understand that not being able to identify yourself with a particular group or label such as bi, asexual, gay, etc.. can be difficult and leave you feeling lost, many people actually go through life without calling themselves anything, and focus on what they like without worrying about what to call themselves. Your sexuality is a big part of you, so if you're trying to work out what it is you like, perhaps try to focus more on exactly that, knowing what you do and don't like, instead of trying to work out what term you fit under. Also, you may not know for a while now exactly what you like, and that's also okay! Don't rush into anything, just make sure that whatever happens, you're comfortable and happy with it, it doesn't matter who it is (or isn't) with, and who knows, perhaps along the way you'll work out how you'd like to identify. For now though, just know that lots of young people go through your situation, and it's completely okay to not know who you are just yet, just try to focus on whatever makes you happy!
All the best - Emmy
Hey, so for roughly about a year now I've been questioning my sexuality and lately i've decided that I might be bisexual. I'm not completely sure on this but I do feel there is a great chance that I am. I feel attracted to boys but also for the past year I've felt similar feelings for girls but not completely. I'm so confused and if I am bisexual, I'm terrified of coming out, mainly for the reason that in my school being trans or bi is seen as "attention seeking" or people are just lying about it for "popularity and respect" also my family are strong christians. Any advice?
"First off I'd say that they shouldn't come out unless it's definitely safe, that they feel ready and feel as if it will only have a positive impact, and that also they shouldn't feel pressured to come to their parents just yet, maybe start off with their friends or someone who they know would certainly support them, because coming out to someone for the first time and being judged/mistreated etc on the first account is really awful. Also they shouldn't feel pressured into definitely labelling themselves as bisexual because labels may seem important but they aren't when it comes down to personal preferences, and as long as they know that they're not attention seeking/looking for popularity, then that is the main thing, because self-opinion/worth is more important than anyone else's opinion on yourself" - Jaz
"I understand your confusion as a bisexual myself, and I know why you are struggling to come to terms with the sexuality you may identify as. My advice to you would be: Experiment and ask your online friends or one of us (perhaps me?) on how they came out and how they feel about boys and girls and see if they match how you may feel, take time to make sure you are definitely bisexual before coming out. (You may be Pansexual and that is similar to Bisexuality). You have mentioned your parents and the only advice I have for you is try seeing how they feel about a bisexual celebrity? This would give you an idea on how they would react to you. Feel free to get in contact with me through TWE" - Ciara x
Sent in via contact form
Our Tumblr is:
We choose the most suited member of TWE to answer your questions!