I'm sorry your parents are unsupportive in any regards. It sucks when you can't find comfort/support at home. Since you haven't really specified your question I'm not quite sure which part of non-supportive family you'd like advice on. However, coming from a background myself where parents didn't want to help me out with anything I'll drop a few tips below.
A lot of the time your parents or a parent still loves you. They just dont know how to show it. Similarly, dont value your worth on how much you parents seem to value you.
When you dont get support at home, you often need to turn elsewhere
Academically, speak to your teachers. If you're comfortable explain your situation and they will often provide extra support (Lunchtime, Emails, Extra work etc etc). Also speak to your Guidance/Pastoral teacher if you are comfortable as they can often make deadline exceptions etc if you are really struggling.
If your parents are getting in the way of you going to things like college or university the key is to speak to as many resources as possible. Often there will be bursaries and scholarships available you should look at. You can also get general funding depending on your course/country. At the end of the day though, if its finance thats the problem, you just have to get a job. I know it sucks at a younger age when all your friends go out and you have to work to support yourself but it's worth it in the long run and its the reality.
If its emotionally, rely on your friends. Explain your situation and let them be there for you. Make friends in loads of areas so you have a lot of people to just chat to when you feel isolated. Join clubs, societies, volunteering etc etc.
If its with your sexuality, this is a hard one. You are valuable and you are allowed to feel however you do. Sometimes your parents may change their minds and come round to your way of thinking. Other times they wont but that doesn't decrease your worth, Its difficult to accept that your parents don't accept a part of you but again, focus on your friends, teachers, tutors, work colleagues, youth workers and you will learn to live with it.
Same with mental health. You have to just be more independent and do things on your own. Go to the GP. Get the help. Don't let your parents get in the way.
Overall, just learn to have confidence in yourself and love yourself. Build strong relationships with those around you and you never know, one day your parents may change!
Sorry this is super long but you didn't specify!!!
I am seriously worried about my grand daughter aged 13. Her parents are divorced. Her mum moved to Spain and she didnt want to go. She lived with me and was happy with friends going out and sleepovers. In April her dad said i was too old to look after her and she lived with him for 4 month. He verbally abused her, she lived 2 jra away and had to change schools. She was devastated and since yhen her life has fallen apart in her eyes. Her mum said to her if not working with dad then you have to come live with me in Spain. Her mums work means she comes home 3 or 4 in the morning and sleeps best part of of the day. She is about to start a spanish state school.
She now has social anxiety will noy talk ti others and on friday her ild school contacted me that she has been contacting an old school fiend from when she was living with me and was going on suicide snap chats. I am terrified she will harm herself. She sits at home all day with no friends and scared of the day she has to go to school. Even begging me not to bring her birth certicate to her mum which she needs to start school. She has also tild me she is not sure of her sexuality. She talks ti me but not her mum. Her mum's friend asked her if she was enjoying living in spain. She said no. Her mam gave her the bad eye then Shouted at her for telling the truth. Her mum wants it to work but i know my grand daughter unless with me in uk. How can i help jer
Hi Julie, I am so sorry that you and your grand daughter are going through this. I think that you all need to sit down and talk about this (you and her parents and your grand daughter). If not possible in person then through Skype or even over the phone. You need to tell her parents that they need to take her opinion into consideration. Maybe you could introduce your grand daughter to our website, I'm sure some of our articles could help her and we would be happy to talk to her if she needs it. I really hope you manage to sort this, and if you need any more help please let us know. -Ella
I think I'm lesbian, but I'm sure. How can I tell if I am, and how do I tell my homophobic mother?
Honestly, there isn't one specific way to figure out if you lesbian, but an easy way to have a little idea if you are lesbian, is to first think of if you've ever been attracted to any women and whether you've ever been attracted to any boys. If you haven't ever been attracted to boys and have been attracted to girls then you might be lesbian. If you have been attracted to both you may be bisexual or Pansexual etc, and if you have only been attracted to boys you may just be straight. As for telling your homophobic mother, you don't have to tell her but if you want to I suggest doing it either in person or through a note. No matter what she says she will always love you. If she doesn't accept you there is always the option of telling your dad, grandparents, friends or If you need someone on this team. I suggest if you know she won't react well the it may be easier and better to tell her when you are moved out so she can't kick you out of the house. If you need anything else please feel free to message back.
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My dad has recently been diagnosed with heart problems that we know know as angina. I am in the middle of my GCSE's at the moment and this has now panicked me because it leads him to have a higher chance that he will have a heart attack. I have started to cry myself to sleep most nights due to myself being scared that one day I will wake up or come home and him not being there. Me and my family was meant to be going on a big holiday the day after my last exam which was one of the only things keeping me going through the exams but now the holiday is most likely to be cancelled which has formed more stress around me and the family and was really upsetting for me. I know this isn't really a question but I just needed a place to put my thoughts.
This sounds like you are having a very hard time at the moment. GCSES can be extremely hard without an illness in the family, especially having it be your parents, as you must rely on them a lot. I have had a little look on NHS choices, and whilst I am not medically trained at all, I did find it quite interesting so it would be good if you could have a look on there. I can see there are many treatments for his heart problem, and even though you have every right to be very worried about your dad, the doctors wouldn't have him at home if he wasn't stable and safe enough for him to be looked after there. If you could maybe have a chat with him about what would happen if he was having an attack and put a plan together for what you could do if he was in pain, then perhaps the worry will lift slightly? I'm not promising it will make a massive difference to your anxiety, and perhaps you could speak to your dad to make sure he has his phone with him at all times so if the event happens, he could contact someone straight away, or someone around him could.
I'm not promising that any of this will definitely help, but the best thing to do with your worry is to speak to either your dad, or if you're worried it will make him feel guilty, perhaps you could speak to somebody else, wether it's someone in your family or a trusted individual like a teacher or support staff. I hope your GCSES have gone well, and I hope you can speak to somebody about your worries, and hopefully when your dad is feeling a little better, you could book another holiday! and don't forget we are always here for you at TWE, through our social media accounts or even fill in this form again and someone from the team can get back to you. - Kira xx
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Hi so I don't really know what to do anymore.last year was the worst year of my life,I had a lot going in at school and did a few things I was not proud of and I hated myself for a long time because of it.then I decided everything was a product of the choices I had made so I eliminated all those people out of my life in hopes that it would get better some time but it didn't. I live with my gran and aunt and they treat me like absolute crap they shout at me for nothing and really just mentally put me down and is gets so bad sometimes and I walked out of the hose this morning I'm supposed to be going to school but I'm sitting on the road cause I'm in tears and I can't go to school like this I don't know what to do because it is getting really bad and I'm scared I do something I regret like I did previously.and on top of it I have really bad anger issues and its getting bad again and I'm scared I end up hurting someone seriously
Hi I'm Lily, nice to meet you ❤
Maybe you haven't had the best year of your life. However, if you really try and learn from your mistakes then things can turn for the better. Eliminating people from your life isn't always the answer, sometimes you can learn to live with them and repair whatever you/they broke in your relationship.
It's great that you're understanding your mistakes and how some things are a result of those mistakes! That's the first step in changing for the better and realising your flaws.
The situation with your Auntie and Gran is quite complicated I'm sure. However, at the end of the day, they are your family and they can't help but love you. It's a common occurrence for family members to shout at you for no reason, but if you ever feel like it's getting too much then try and find something to distract yourself. Like a hobby or maybe even a club that can lighten your spirit and help you to meet new people.
If you're finding it difficult to find a club or distract yourself, then try telling your family how you feel. They may not understand but they may think about how they act towards you if you tell them.
If you're scared about hurting someone because you have anger issues then try some breathing exercises, maybe even a charm or item to fiddle with to help you calm down. I used to have really bad anger issues and I always found that taking deep breaths and fiddling with magnets helped me.
I really hope I've helped you out even if it's just a little ❤
Good luck! You'll get through this xx
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I'm 14 and my brother is 12. He constantly calls me fat. I know I'm not "thin" but I'm not a sumo wrestler but I'm afraid it's got me really watching my weight without realising it. In PE this morning we were in the gym and i was watching the calorie bar like a hawk. I guess there's not much advice you guys can give for this thing but help Please.
Hi Rose Quartz,
The first thing you should remember is that the only person’s opinion on your body and appearance that matters is your own. Your brother calling you fat might make you feel insecure but as long as you know that you’re a healthy weight then that’s the important thing, because being exceptionally skinny is just unhealthy as being overweight.
If you are worried about being overweight and would like to lose some weight, then doing it the right way is also important. When you’re 14, your body is constantly changing and going through puberty so having enough energy and food is vital. A healthy way to go about it would be consciously making healthier decisions about food (not eating less or starving yourself) and doing a bit more exercise - you don’t have to join a gym, but little things can help like walking to school rather than getting the bus or going in the car.
If your brother is constantly calling you fat, it may be worth talking to your parents/carer and getting them to talk to him and asking him to stop.
I hope this helps!
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I haven't been happy in 12 years, I'm 17. What do I do if I see no point to living.
Hello, my name is Naomi and although you may not feel like there is a point to living... there is. You can do whatever you want with this one life that you have. You can achieve you greatest dreams. I know it's 'cheesy' but it's true. You can be whoever you want to be. If you truly see no point in life then I do have some tips on how to try to change that. Firstly, you could practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is when you take a couple minutes of your time to fully concentrate your mind on one specific thing such as the leaves on the trees. Think about their colour, how they sound when you stand on them, how they blow in the wind, how the feel, etc. Or you can go through your five senses. What can you see? What can you hear? What can you smell? What does everything around you feel like? Is there something you can taste. This exercise helps to ground you and allows you concentrate more whilst relieving stress. This also may help you see some of the beauty in the world. I also recommend volunteering at a place in which you can help others. Helping others gives you purpose and it will bring you joy. Volunteer at a pet shelter, an elderly home or even a charity shop. You could also take up a new hobby. Try something you've never done before or create a list of things you want to try in that month! I also recommend making a future board. Plan for the future and where you'd like to be in five years. Will you be at college or University? Do you want to move into your own house? What will you study? Where will you work? What will your bedroom or house look like? Will you have pets. This will give you something to strive for and goals to aim for. This also may help motivate you to do work, etc. I hope my advice helps in some way! You are an amazing person that is capable of amazing things.
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I've been wanting to come out to my mom and dad and stepparents but u can't find the courage to or I just forget. I know my mom would accept it but I don't know about my dad. I'm Pansexual and transgender so it's hard for me to say it when they've known me for 15 years as their straight CIS daughter. Any advice on how I should come out without having to face them or how to build the courage to face them?
Hello! So I have quite a few trans friends, and every time they have asked this question I have always said to write a letter to them explaining everything. Do this whilst you are at a friends sleeping over, or out for the day so when they find it they can read it and think about it whilst you are gone instead of hearing it and reacting straight away. If they react like that they won't have time to think, so a letter has always been the best choice.
Good luck, locket x
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Okay so I came out as transgender (ftm) to my friends about 9 months ago and to my mum about 7 months ago. All of my friends have been really supportive of me and always try their best to get my pronouns and name right - even my teachers try their best as well and are supportive of it all. Anyway, recently my mum has started to turn against it all and has started calling me by my old name and using female pronouns, she doesn't like it when my friends or teachers use male pronouns/name either and she says that she's never going to call me Caspar or help me change it through deed poll. My younger sister (she's 14 and I'm 15) told me the other day that she doesn't like it all and that I'm just attention seeking and she won't support me in the future with it and my mum agreed with her. Not only this, but I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety about a year ago now, but my mum hasn't helped me to get any counselling for it and I've had to cope with it by myself, although she got my sister counselling when she was diagnosed with it less than a year ago. However, my younger sister overdosed on pills the other day and texted my mum to tell her (so I'm not sure if she's actually suicidal or not as if you wanted to kill yourself, you wouldn't ask someone to take you to the hospital minutes after overdosing, but there you go). Now she's out and fine but the main thing that I needed help with is the fact that my depression has gotten so bad, especially since I haven't gotten any help for it and my family are disowning me. I've had so many suicidal thoughts recently and even started to self harm as it had gotten that bad. I don't want to tell my mum how bad my depression is as she'll probably think that I'm attention seeking and just trying to copy my sister, but I'm really not and it really has gotten so bad that I've already written out my suicide note. I don't know what to do because I'm so done with life and everything and feel as though it's better if I end it than continuing to suffer. Yet I don't want to make my friends go through it all, especially because my best friend is also depressed but her mum said that since I've come into her life she's been much happier and doesn't self harm as much. I feel like killing myself is the better option for me, but I don't think that my friends, especially my best friend, will be able to cope through that - especially because we've got out GCSEs this year. I don't know what to do and I know that you aren't professional counsellors, but any advice would be appreciated in this situation. Thank you and I'm sorry that I made you read an essay but I needed to tell someone as I haven't told anybody about how bad my depression is currently.
Hello Casper! I don't mind the essay at all! Now the recent events of your family disowning you and doing things against your will- even stopping you from getting the professional help you need- all leads to a form of mental abuse. My advice to you is to tell a teacher what they are doing, especially a teacher you trust, as they have the resources and mind set to help you. Your friends will be supportive, but in this situation won't be able to change anything.
With the self harm research the butterfly project, as it helped me to get away from self harm. You have the correct mindset in not commuting suicide because of your friends, but its also for you. It may be easier now, but you are cutting away a huge future, you could even be the person who accidentally stumbles across the cure for cancer! You are very important to the world, do you need to think about your future too- what are you going to miss? A lot!
Please take this all into consideration, and really try to tell a teacher or someone of authority. It will hurt you more over time if they don't stop and no one knows about it.
Good luck, locket
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I want to come out as pansexual to my mom, but I'm not sure how to go about doing it. I don't think she will understand. Got any advice?
Hello there! Two of our writers who identify as pansexual have some advice for you! - Emily
First make sure it's safe to come out, try to gage your mum's feelings towards the LGBT+ community; once you're sure it's safe, maybe try coming out in an off handish way, I told my dad just in passing. There are a million different ways to come out from sending them relentless memes about how you're attracted to frying pans to sitting them down and talking them through it. However you decide to do it just remember to be open with them and answer their questions, if there are any, the best you can. Stay safe and stay positive - Kaya
Hello! Coming out can be a stressful time, especially when you think someone won't understand. Before I came out as pansexual I went up to my mum and asked her about a few sexualities that she hadn't heard of and tried my best to explain them to her. At first she was confused, but then again a lot of people are. My advice would be to practice what you're going to say to them. Don't write a whole speech, but make sure you know what you're going to say and be prepared to explain what pansexual means. Give them some time to accept the information, this doesn't necessarily mean they won't be fine with it, but most parents need some time to think about these things. Good luck! -Riley
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