Hey Teens with experience
My sexuality has been something I have struggled with for 4 years. I never thought about it, I always assumed I was straight (the default right?) until a girl I was talking to in class asked me what my sexuality was, I new she was Bi and I hesitated. I answered with "I never thought about it". This has haunted me since, why did I hesitate?
Since then I kinda repressed it until recently when I watched something that made all my questioning resurfaced. I wouldn't care except it's affecting my everyday life. I have never been sexually attracted to anyone so I thought I was maybe asexual? But I can imagine myself being romantic and sexual with people of any gender? Nothing repulses me and I don't know if this is because I'm not bothered by the LGBT+ community, or because I have a very strong imagination?
I just really want to learn who I am, I feel like part of myself is missing, I feel like I don't know myself.
Hi Laila, thanks so much for contacting us here at TWE! Sexuality can be a difficult thing to navigate, and questioning it is something many young people experience at some point. Being a teenager is the time when people become aware of their romantic interest, and also start to experiment a bit for some, so it's totally natural for you to be beginning to think about your sexuality.
However, if thinking about your sexuality is becoming an issue for you, it's a great think you've reached out for help. Although I can fully understand that not being able to identify yourself with a particular group or label such as bi, asexual, gay, etc.. can be difficult and leave you feeling lost, many people actually go through life without calling themselves anything, and focus on what they like without worrying about what to call themselves. Your sexuality is a big part of you, so if you're trying to work out what it is you like, perhaps try to focus more on exactly that, knowing what you do and don't like, instead of trying to work out what term you fit under. Also, you may not know for a while now exactly what you like, and that's also okay! Don't rush into anything, just make sure that whatever happens, you're comfortable and happy with it, it doesn't matter who it is (or isn't) with, and who knows, perhaps along the way you'll work out how you'd like to identify. For now though, just know that lots of young people go through your situation, and it's completely okay to not know who you are just yet, just try to focus on whatever makes you happy!
All the best - Emmy
My friend is extremely homophobic... but towards himself. He doesn't have an issue with anyone else being gay, he openly supports it, but he can't tolerate himself. What do I do?
I'm sorry to hear your friend is struggling to accept his sexuality. Sometimes the process of figuring out your sexuality can be difficult, and for many it may take a while for them to accept themselves. Although everyone should feel confident and happy with their sexuality, sometimes people feel worried they'll be judged or face bad reactions from people around them, so as a result they may associate these negative feelings with their sexuality. I think the best thing may be that you talk to him in a place he feels safe. Ask him about how he's feeling, if there's any reason why he's struggling with coming to terms with his sexuality, and perhaps suggesting ways he may be able to help himself. For example, he may find it beneficial to talk to a counsellor or a support group about his feelings. Make sure you're being supportive, and if he's uncomfortable talking about anything then try not to push him on it, as it may be hard for him to talk about certain things. You sound like a very supportive friend, I hope you and your friend manage to have a good chat and figure some things out.
Hi there, I am lesbian and I have a crush on another lesbian A REALLY BIG CRUSH... so anyway erm she got a girlfriend the day I was going to ask her out and she only said yes to the other girl because she didn't want to ruin their friendship but that also means they won't break up because they'd hurt each others feelings. I know this sound mean and jealous and salty but what should I do? Thank you I hope you can understand, sorry
I totally understand! I think the best thing you can do is tell her how you feel. If she feels the same way she may understand that what she’s doing to her friend is wrong. I hope everything works out xx -Joey
Well I'm lesbian and I just got a girlfriend and she is so much prettier than me and more popular we both love each other and I know it isn't all about looks but I genuinely AM ugly and she is gorgeous. I have good skin with no spots or freckles, nice eyes but really horrible eyebrows and the thinnest lips ever but I'm allergic to EVERY type of makeup I've tried and I just want to look at least decent I know this sound kind of pointless but me and my girlfriend both self harm people know that she does but no one know about me and I have severe anxiety especially over my looks please help if you can what do I do if I'm way too ugly compared to her - Harriet
Hi Harriet! It is normal to feel like this especially in a relationship with someone, it is easy to think that you're not good enough for them. You need to remember that there is a reason she is your girlfriend, and she might even feel similar to this about you! Try talking to her about this, and you can both help each other. You don't need makeup to look nice, you may have heard this many times before but it is true. You could talk to a doctor about your allergies and they may be able to recommend some makeup that you can wear and is safe for your skin. Good luck and if you need any more help please ask! -Ella
How do I stop being shy of being gay?
to help stop being shy about your sexuality, you first need to accept yourself as once you have accepted yourself fully you can conquer any feelings that come, no matter what they are. Never let others or even yourself mate you believe that you need to change who you are, no one just wakes up one morning thinking 'today I'm going to be gay,' it takes a lot of thinking and exploring to figure out who you are. It's easier for some than for others. When the time is right some people including myself decide to tell those closest to them, this doesn't necessarily include family. I found once I had told my closest friends I was more confident to show the true me and was initially less shy. You also should understand that you are no different to any straight person or person of any other sexuality. Find the source of what makes you shy and work with it after all it's more difficult to lose it than to work with it and to not let it affect you.
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Hey, so for roughly about a year now I've been questioning my sexuality and lately i've decided that I might be bisexual. I'm not completely sure on this but I do feel there is a great chance that I am. I feel attracted to boys but also for the past year I've felt similar feelings for girls but not completely. I'm so confused and if I am bisexual, I'm terrified of coming out, mainly for the reason that in my school being trans or bi is seen as "attention seeking" or people are just lying about it for "popularity and respect" also my family are strong christians. Any advice?
"First off I'd say that they shouldn't come out unless it's definitely safe, that they feel ready and feel as if it will only have a positive impact, and that also they shouldn't feel pressured to come to their parents just yet, maybe start off with their friends or someone who they know would certainly support them, because coming out to someone for the first time and being judged/mistreated etc on the first account is really awful. Also they shouldn't feel pressured into definitely labelling themselves as bisexual because labels may seem important but they aren't when it comes down to personal preferences, and as long as they know that they're not attention seeking/looking for popularity, then that is the main thing, because self-opinion/worth is more important than anyone else's opinion on yourself" - Jaz
"I understand your confusion as a bisexual myself, and I know why you are struggling to come to terms with the sexuality you may identify as. My advice to you would be: Experiment and ask your online friends or one of us (perhaps me?) on how they came out and how they feel about boys and girls and see if they match how you may feel, take time to make sure you are definitely bisexual before coming out. (You may be Pansexual and that is similar to Bisexuality). You have mentioned your parents and the only advice I have for you is try seeing how they feel about a bisexual celebrity? This would give you an idea on how they would react to you. Feel free to get in contact with me through TWE" - Ciara x
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I think I am gay, but I am not sure. I think I like girls but I have never been in a relationship with on. How do I find out what my sexuality is?
Hi there! I too was/am really confused about my sexuality, and identified as straight for my full life until this year! Where I thought I was bi, only too have second thoughts. Sexualities are so confusing, but it's important not to rely on a label snd just be comfortable with you! There is plenty of time to experiment with different people and find out who you are attracted to, you really can't rush these things! You could watch some youtube videos or blog posts about people coming out snd seeing how they realised they were bi/gay, and it might relate to you! Please don't stress about it too much, you will find out when the time is right! Ebony
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