How do I deal with my friends finding out I self harm? I don't want my parents to know but I know I should ask for help.
Self-harm is a tricky subject and I'm glad you've been able to come forward about it. I understand it's a coping mechanism but what's important is your last statement: That you know you need help. Acknowledging this is often so tricky and i am genuinely so pleased you've been able to do this.
Now regarding your friends, are they close? If you are super good friends with them, chances are they just want to know what's going on so that they can support you to the best of their abilities. You only have to tell them as much as you feel comfortable doing so, but maybe just let them know how they could support you in times of crisis etc etc.
In regards to your parents finding out, why don't you want them to know? Are you sure they won't support you? If the answer is 100% yes and you're over 16, in the UK, why not speak to your friends who could maybe take you to a teacher and get help that way? Or head to your GP and explain everything that's going on. Your parents don't need to be made aware if it's through your doctor! You have a right to confidentiality but you also have a right to get help, because you deserve it.
Good luck and look after yourself. You are worth so much more than the ways you hurt yourself x
My friend is extremely homophobic... but towards himself. He doesn't have an issue with anyone else being gay, he openly supports it, but he can't tolerate himself. What do I do?
I'm sorry to hear your friend is struggling to accept his sexuality. Sometimes the process of figuring out your sexuality can be difficult, and for many it may take a while for them to accept themselves. Although everyone should feel confident and happy with their sexuality, sometimes people feel worried they'll be judged or face bad reactions from people around them, so as a result they may associate these negative feelings with their sexuality. I think the best thing may be that you talk to him in a place he feels safe. Ask him about how he's feeling, if there's any reason why he's struggling with coming to terms with his sexuality, and perhaps suggesting ways he may be able to help himself. For example, he may find it beneficial to talk to a counsellor or a support group about his feelings. Make sure you're being supportive, and if he's uncomfortable talking about anything then try not to push him on it, as it may be hard for him to talk about certain things. You sound like a very supportive friend, I hope you and your friend manage to have a good chat and figure some things out.
How do I deal with my friends finding out I self harm? I don't want my parents to know but I know I should ask for help.
Hi Bryan. First of all, I’m glad you’ve acknowledged that you do need to tell someone. That’s often the hardest step and I’m actually really pleased you can do that!!
Secondly, I assume you’re asking because your friends have been fairly concerned. This is a good sign and it means they truly care. If you feel able to, maybe pick 1 or 2 friends you’re comfortable with and try to talk to them. Tell them as much or as little as you’re comfortable with for the first time, it’s just good you’ve opened up those lines of conversation.
Now, about your parents. Firstly, ask yourself why you don’t want them to find out. Are you scared of their reaction? Will they hate you? Will they not support you? The truth is, you won’t truly know how they’ll react until you try. It is the scariest thing but in 99% of cases all your parents want to do is support you. Remember also their initial reaction won’t be their reaction forever, it’s a hard situation for everyone involved but they’ll learn to adjust often.
If you know your parents finding out puts you at risk/safety at risk, then talk to another trusted adults. Teachers are wonderful. Your Giidance system is vital in a situation like this as they can help you in school and can also help you access the help you deserve - whether it be in school therapy, out of school counselling or medication. It’s also good to have someone you know you can go to. If you dislike your Guidance staff, pick a favourite teacher and chat to them. They’re always willing to help and they can e more than you’ll expect!! They are also a good bridge between your parents and you, if you do t know how to start the conversation maybe.
If you feel you can’t do any of these things, go to your GP. If you’re in the UK & over 16 they can’t share your info with anyone else.
Or try online services: YoungMinds, SelfHarn.co.uk, Samaritans, Childline etc etc.
Also remember next time you want to hurt yourself, you don’t deserve it no matter what you believe. There’s other alternatives (check out the articles on our website for 50+ alternatives to self harm).
Take care! - Rebecca x
What should I do about my "friend" who pretends to have depression and self harm? I know you probably think like how do you know the pretend but they even told me them self that they're faking it for attention and she doesn't know that I self harm etc and it really stresses me out, and even triggers me! What should I do?
Hi, I understand how frustrating this is, I had 2 friends who did this and the most annoying thing about it was having to see one of my other friends who was actually going through this suffering in silence. I think you should talk to your friend, and tell them that if they are self harming they should see a professional. My "friends" would post on Snapchat about it for attention instead of doing this which is another sign that they are attention seeking. My two "friends" also would encourage each other to do this which was part of the problem. I am no longer friends with them for more than just this reason, and if your "friend" continues to do this maybe you should find better friends. I hope this helps and there may be some articles on our website that could also help you, -Ella
A few nights ago I threw all my blades out the window and I have been clean ever since. I have the urge to cut again so I'm going out to buy a blade. I know it's wrong but if I don't I'm just going to find some other way to do it.
Hi Charlie it's great you know it's wrong and the fact you threw away your blades but even though the urge Is back you know you can be stronger now. What I suggest is maybe getting a piece of paper and keep folding it until it's so small it helps me stay calm and remind myself I can be stronger. If you don't have paper for some people it might not be best options but getting maybe a hair bobble and twisting it around your fingers can help.
Just remember your strength is inside not on the blades.
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Teenagers With Experience,
I found out about your website in the newspaper my Grandmother showed me (she thinks I'm 'depressed' so she wants me to get help) and I just want to congratulate you on what an amazing website this is. I hate talking to adults, I have a school councillor and he doesn't help at all so hopefully talking to a teenager will. Ugh I'm blabbering, sorry, let me get on with it.
When I was 13 my mother sadly passed away. It was a rough time for me was my dad left when I was 2 so the only person I could go to was my grandmother. Me and my grandma fought daily because of her death, it separated our bond. I missed a lot of school also, so I am very far behind in lots of my key lessons. After two months of battling depression me and my grandma got me a councillor at my school, I still talk to him today but its no help. He hasn't gone through any loss like this, he can't relate to me. Anyway, I never self harmed-Im against that majorly, but I had constant suicidal thoughts. I didn't want to be in a world where I couldn't see my mother! I made friends and they're still with me today but my old friends left me because I left school. When I came back they said they didn't want to be friends as they have met new people now. I understand it though. I don't know what to do now, my grandma is in and out of hospital and my grandad passed away before i was born. If I loose my nan then I'll have to go with my uncle and his evil wife (seriously she hates me!) and I can't deal with that. Please help me?
From Paris H x
I'm Ailsa - I'm the one answering your email because I can relate to quite a few of the things you mentioned. First of all I'm so sorry for your current situation, you must be finding it really hard, but I'm going to do my best to help somehow xx
It's so awful to lose someone so close to you, especially a family member. It leaves a hole in your heart and it leaves you feeling down for a long time. This is something that has to heal with time, but remember there are plenty of people on this site to support you. It sucks your counsellor doesn't understand and can't relate to you - having someone to empathise with really helps. In my school they have a bunch of therapists they can call in for various reasons outside of the school counsellor but few people know about it unless they need it. Maybe you could talk to a teacher or head of year about seeing another counsellor? It can take a few tries to find the right person, trust me I know this xD
Can I just say that I am so glad that you haven't self harmed! It's so harmful and it causes problems that you honestly don't have time for as you have so much else on your plate <3 I'm glad you're against it, you should be xx However, the suicidal thoughts are obviously very serious :( I can majorly relate to those, I get them on a daily basis and I have actually attempted a few times. It really does feel like there's no hope for you left and that leaving the earth is the only option. But trust me, there are so so so many reasons to keep living, it's just hard to see that when you're in such a dark place. I could talk to you about this in so much more detail because there's just so much you have to live for! Since I don't know you personally, right now I can't help you find reasons for yourself, but if we get into contact we can text or something and it could be really helpful for you. Just as an example, when I was in my darkest places some of the smallest things had the most meaning to me - like a rare bit of sunshine or when my cat came and snuggled with me. They seem pretty pointless but if you can hold on to the tiny things in life that give you hope, then it's easier to find more reasons to live. I hope I made sense here xD
I also know how it feels for a parent to abandon you. I hope you understand that it's got nothing to do with you personally. When you are a toddler, you haven't really developed into your own person yet, so your dad didn't have a clue what he was leaving behind. No one deserves to be left by a parent like that and emotions like anger, sadness and guilt are completely normal to feel when this has happened. If you ever need to talk about this in more detail, I am here for you xx
I'm sorry to hear that you have argued a lot with your nan - she's your guardian and you should have a good relationship with her. I hope she gets well, be strong and remember that doctors are amazing at their jobs these days and the likelihood is that you'll be able to spend a lot more time with her and hopefully you won't have to go and live with your uncle X
You may be depressed from what you've said and what I understand; I think you should go to a doctor. They can provide other counselling which could work better than the one at school, they can refer you to other mental health services that can help, or even prescribe medication. You'll probably find that they are really helpful, it would be a good idea to ask your nan to take you to the doctor.
As for your old 'friends' they don't sound nice at all. A good friend would always stay by your side regardless if new people came about. I hope your new friends are better, you're probably better off without the old ones. It doesn't matter what problems you're having - you don't deserve to be left and it's so unreasonable that they did that to you.
Finally, about the missing school. I've missed absolutely loads of school too because of my health! It's confusing and stressful to try and jump back in but remember there's loads of help for you in your school, you just have to ask. Or, if you're in the UK and in primary/secondary school, people like me on TWE can help you with school work since most of us have been through this :)
I really hope this helps somehow, if you ever need to talk to me feel free, you can reach me via the TWE website or Facebook page
Hey, um I'm kinda worried because I have a load of exams coming up and they mean quite a bit. My core science ones are in a few weeks (17th, 19th and 25th May) and I'm really struggling. We did some mocks and I got all Cs when I'm supposed to be getting all As. The thing is, I was off for about 3 weeks recovering from an op and I'm really behind. But I know how disappointed my family will be if I do rubbish and I don't know what to do. I have frequent panic attacks over the exams too. Sorry for bothering but will you please help?
Remember, whether or not you get an objectively good mark, trying your best is what matters.
Try drawing or writing out your fears and worries and then burning them. It feels like your burning your worries
When revising don't listen to music, unless it's instrumental. Try drawing out link maps and mind maps to refer to. If necessary, blu-tack them to the wall.
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