When I was four my parents had their first argument in front of me, it was over something petty that I don't remember, seeing as this was almost eleven years ago. This apparently wasn't the first time they'd argued about that kind of thing, just the first time they'd done it in front of me. The next time I'd witnessed one of their arguments was when I was six, but this time it was a lot bigger. They were having a full on screaming match in front of me, and it ended with my parents realising I was crying and they stopped. From then on, up until I was about eleven, they tried to argue while I wasn't around, or while I wasn't listening. Then one day, my parents started fighting around me again, and my mother got injured due to my dad’s bad temper. My dad left the house for about a week and when he came back, he and my mum told me that they were getting a divorce. This was hard but there are ways to deal with this. This is what I did:
1. Accept that this isn't your fault. When my parents first said about their divorce, I thought that it was my fault and that if I had been better behaved then it wouldn't have happened. As it happens, this wasn't the case, when I asked my mum about what actually happened to cause them to divorce, it had nothing to do with me, and seemed to be due to lack of communication. There isn't anything that you could have done differently to stop this from happening, and it's definitely not something that you did.
2. Make sure you keep in touch with both parents. For the first year, I completely blanked my dad and had no plans of speaking to him at all, but this made thing harder on my mum, as she had to take the role of both parents, and this had a negative effect on both of us. My mum felt more pressure to make up for my dad not being there, and I missed out on what it was like to have my father in my life.
3. Talk about it. It is worse to bottle up your feelings than it is to share them, talk to your parents, your friends, a councillor, or even one of us from TWE for advice and support
4. Don't let your normal activities come to a standstill. With one big thing in your life changing, you may want something to stay constant. A good way of doing this is by doing your usual activities, as this is something that you are used to doing and is also a good way to distract yourself from any negative thoughts and feelings.
5. Realise that any emotions you feel are valid. No matter how you feel about your parents divorce, your feelings are valid, and no two people will react in the same way, and that is completely normal.
6. If your parents decide to remarry, understand that step parents aren't always like the movies. If you have ever watched Cinderella or Snow White, you will know that the step mothers in those movies are evil and seem to be out to get the main character. My step dad is nothing like that in reality, and he actually treats me more like his daughter than my biological dad does at times, and in most cases step parents aren't as bad as movies make them seem.
7. Talk to your parents about what is going to be happening. If you know what is going on, it won't seem like such a big thing as if you have no idea what is going on, this definitely helped me, since I am the sort of person who likes to know exactly what is happening and when.
I hope this helps you and makes you feel a bit better than you previously did, if it did, let me know, if it didn't, also let me know! If you have any questions about my experience, feel free to message me on Instagram or Twitter and I will do my best to answer your questions. Remember, no matter what is going on in your life, you are loved and wanted, and there is always someone who can support you.